more random thoughts this holiday season

Its Christmas time and I love it!!!

This Christmas is different for so many people. Its a time of hardship and fear. Many of us have had to cut back this year, and in doing so, makes Christmas so much sweeter.

First of all, church on Sunday blew me away. From a power video, to hearing some much needed words, God's presence was just so clear.

I am not good with getting my thoughts out some time. I have to admit, sometimes I like the commercial side of Christmas. I have a list of things that I want each year. Sad, isn't it? No matter what our circumstances our this Christmas, we are beyond blessed.

My heart has been heavy over some things. At church today, I witnessed a mom struggle with some of her child's digestive issues and blaming herself because she had to go to a cheaper formula just to barely make it. Her husband had a massive heart attack just 2 weeks ago at the age of 40 and she is working 2 jobs. This woman still serves. Every Sunday, she teaches.

Last week on my floor, there were 5 new brain tumors diagnosed. I work on a 33 bed unit. 5 little brain tumors were diagnosed. 5 families are walking a new journey. 2 of those brain tumors are inoperable. Can you imagine what life is like with news like this?

This past year, is really the first time that I have ever really been fearful. Fearful of the future, the world we live in, fearful that my faith will not be as strong as I need it. Fearful that people do not see Christ in me. That is my biggest fear.

At the same time, this past year I have felt such amazing emotions for the first time. I have seen people give when they themselves have needs. To me that is just beautiful. I have seen humility that has made me want to be a better person. I have seen someone close to me have a HUGE change of heart.

I have seen dreams crumble, I have seen sadness. But I have also seen Hope.

One of these days, I will get so share some God moments over the past year that have brought me to tears. I can not deny that there is one true God that loves me no matter what I say or do. Its been an interesting year, a pretty rockin year. He has shown Himself to me through blogs, friends, and just circumstances. I am thankful for these God moments.

Certain songs help bring emotions out and this Christmas season is no different. I imagine Mary and Joseph in the stable, loving on that sweet baby boy, trying to protect a future king. Its a beautiful picture in my mind.

Have you heard the Casting Crowns Christmas CD? One of the songs has been on one of their older cds, but I wanted to share some lyrics that have gotten me thinking! The song talks about Bethlehem and what an amazing event took place while the city slept!


United States of America
Looks like another silent night
As we’re sung to sleep by philosophies
That save the trees and kill the children
And while we’re lying in the dark
There’s a shout heard ‘cross the eastern sky
For the Bridegroom has returned
And has carried His bride away in the night, in the night

America, what will we miss while we are sleeping
Will Jesus come again
And leave us slumbering where we lay
America, will we go down in history
As a nation with no room for its King
Will we be sleeping?

Are we just not getting it?? Am I personally too selfish that I am going to miss something?? I don't know. I do believe as a country, we have been running away from God but something tells me that there will be people running towards Him.

The more I think about this, the more sad I become. I do believe that I have disappointed my Creator. I am thankful for mercy and forgiveness.