If any of you know me outside my blogs, you will know my mind always has several things going on at one time. In fact, if my metabolism was as quick as the thoughts in my head, I would a lot skinnier. Nothing much going on. Have had a good couple of days at work, even when the 4yo sibling got her head stuck in a chair and we had to drill her out...(a whole other story)
so here is what is presently in my head. I am a people pleaser.I will do anything to get people to like me and to make people happy. This is not always a good thing. I am learning how to love who I am and not worrying about impressing others, which has always been one of my weaknesses. when you go so far away to make people happy, sometimes you sacrifice a lot of things and you can lose your self in the process.I want to be liked. i want to be cool. i have always wanted that but my fear is becoming snobby and thinking i am better than others. I despise that character trait and hope it never develops.
What do I want? i want to quit wanting material things and I want to just love. I want to love everyone unconditionally and sometimes it really hard. this post was much better in my head before I started typing.
I am frustrated that I am not at my best. The One who created me deserves so much more than what I am giving that its shameful. like totally embarrassing. I am not worthy of the Love that covers me. That is what I want, to live life the best way possible. Physically, mentally, socially, spiritually. I am not there yet. I just think there is something wrong with me.. Ugh, I hate that feeling.
I love the season coming up. I wish I felt this way all year round. I find it to be a season of hope. A season to give and love. God chose to live among us through Jesus. I cant understand why that tiny baby grew up to die a painful death so that I might have a hope and a future. I am so not worthy of this gift and yet most of the time my life is not demonstrating how grateful I am. anyone else ever feel like this????
But it is the season of hope, love, family, joy and Christmas music....love it!!!!!!
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8 comments:
I tried to carry the Christmas feeling with me all last year but I failed.
I'm a people pleaser too. I morf into what I think other people want or think is cool. It's sad really. I'm trying to get over that and I hope you do too. I have a feeling the real Amy is a really great person, especially when she's being her authentic self.
if my metabolism was as quick as the thoughts in my head, I would a lot skinnier.
My sentiments exactly. What a great quote. I too love the season, but I am happy to wait for it. Don't underestimate yourself, what little I know about you tells me you are an excellent person and a great friend.
Amy, the real Amy, the person Amy...she ROCKS! She is kind, caring, compassionate, generous, welcoming, sincere, funny...and she is loved.
I'd say Merry Christmas but uhm...Thanksgiving is still 1 week and 1 day away. So - in 1 week and 2 days, I'll say it! :)
A wonderful season indeed!
i try to be a good friend and i am one of the moodiest people you will ever know..
i just want to be humbly cool. i want to try to live my best and im not
Amy, an old Christian quote comes to mind, "God didn't make any junk!" God is so pleased with you today, as you are, imperfect. This journey we are on is a process and you are beautiful to God and me in the process.
People pleasing is a disease that many of us have, the cool part is that God can heal that and is in each of us. You recognizing it is half the battle.
Pleasing others about killed my soul a year ago and when I realized risking being myself with others was all I had to offer and if they rejected me I would have to see what happened, I was slowly healed because most people did not reject me, they embraced the new me and showed me the love and acceptance I had always wanted.
Be blessed with your wonderfulness this Christmas season. Your authentic self well surprise and delight those around you! It will allow them to be their self also.
I can relate to everything you said. I feel that way too. I feel like God is looking down on me and just shaking his head at me.
I know my God loves me the way I am. I do not doubt that at all. i do believe my behavior and thoughts sometime disappoint him. thats all. im just not reaching my full potential. i need to be helping people, being nicer to people who are just not that nice to me.
i have a lot of work to do, but i also know that everyone else does as well. thanks for your words folks!!!
steven russell, the college friend that introduced me to blogging once said he was just trying to comfortable in his own skin. i totally understand that.
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