Amy . . .

What would you like to know? I am fun, but crazy. I have a most perfect husband, and 2 cats named Samson and Delilah. We are presently working on adopting a little girl from China and have a separate blog for that. I am a Christian and am working on a better relationship with him. I live in the Atlanta area and love sharing stories with people. I am also a pediatric nurse and I love it! I love to talk and meet new people and I love Disney Cruising

Monday, March 24, 2008

Long post

See title and scroll down for this weeks weight loss!


Ok, worked Thursday, Fri and Saturday night. Still doing WW, going well. Anyway. Thursday night perfectly fine. Friday night, fine. Admitted a little boy with decreased drinking. had some other issues but still should have been an easy admission. At 6am, he had his very first seizure. Ok, pretty scary. Actually, very scary,especially to a family who has never seen them. But I am a seizure nurse, and we dealt with it. Parents were very anxious. Physician was in to talk to them. Rude resident came in and said, "Before this nurse decides to talk again, let me just tell you that i think this is the beginning of a seizure disorder. this is what you need to remember but, Ill let the neurologist come in and talk to you. Ok, talk about stressing a mom out. I was soooo angry I had to leave the room. I had spent hours developing a relationship with this mom, she was starting to calm down and this resident just freaked her out. Ok, Greys fan? Had the demeanor of Christina. Ugh. That stressed me out. He was a sick boy, but I was ready to go home.

Saturday night, I come in and find out he has had no seizures and a pretty good day. Still a bit lethargic or sick looking, but not so worried. 3am, we have another seizure, 4am, not looking good. By 5am, I am getting a bit worried and have already called 2 doctors and I am now calling the pediatrician in the hospital to come take a look. Now I am actually worried. She comes in and sees him and says this is not good. 30 seconds later, we call a code blue and within 10 minutes he is intubated and on his way to the ICU. What makes me sad, is during all of this, I didn't get to talk to mom until we are in ICU. More stress but he's in ICU and has the right people near him.

I get home and its Easter and I am sad and tired and anxious and just exhausted. I make the choice not to go to the 930 Easter service but still make my commitment to the nursery at church. Ok, the guilt kicked in but I know if I sat in the service I would have fallen asleep. Oh I am sooo sad because I love my church and I haven't been in a long time.

So thats my weekend. I am heading back to work, will go check on my sweet family and hopefully have an uneventful shift.

So we head out to church as we are both volunteering and head over to my China room (ages 6-12 months) but someone asks me to switch to the Australia room (12-18 months). Ok this worked out well. I had a blast for 90 minutes. I think I may be the craziest nursery volunteer as I played and sang and read books and colored and got a lot of happy belly laughs. It made my day. I now have new friends like Cameron, Emma, EmmaClaire, Braelyn, Calyn, Lucy (my favorite), Aaron and others.

ON the way home, we hit Taco Bell for lunch and I got some of the new Fresco (WW friendly) menu items. Not bad. Michael's family celebrates Greek Easter so it was just the 2 of us. I took a long nap and woke up to lamb and orzo (Greek tradition) made by my Michael. Seriously, this is the best lamb I have ever had (better than the Brazilian Steak Houses). way to go Michael. We watched some TV and went to bed.

My thoughts. Most of you know I am random so if you feel like trying to follow along, peace out. I love Easter. I love the fact that we get together around the world ans celebrate the resurrection of Christ. The fact that this happened is the reason I have the promise of eternal life. I do wonder though, why I don't celebrate it daily. The fact that Christ suffered the way He did so that I may be free, is something I can not fathom. His mother and friends had to watch his face as he took this pain, makes me sad. More than sad. The fact that a God who loves me (yes me) so much that he allowed His only son to die for the world. Thats bigger than big. That kind of love is too big for us not to acknowledge. Oh, I am a sinner and I am ashamed of things I have done and things I have thought. But to give up a child that you love, I just can not comprehend the gift I was given.


warning: another random thought
One emotion I struggle with is jealousy. I hate it. I really truly despise this emotion. I have struggled with it all my life. One of the things I have learned is when you experience jealousy, that emotion robs you of the opportunity to love and serve God. That makes me stop and think. One of the things I get jealous of his other believers. Huh, you may say? I sometimes feel that other believers are just spiritually better than me. Know what I am saying? They just seem to have it all together. They pray, they are positive, they are encouraging, they just rock. I know better. I dont know why I feel like this. I know its the way I perceive things and it just sucks. And because of my nasty jealousy, I miss out on my strengthening my wonderful friendships. Sometimes I almost feel like friends are trying to make me feel bad. I told yall on my first post I was odd but I wanted to keep this real. And I know my friends dont do that, but sometimes it just seems like that. I hate feeling like that.

Not sure why I am actually thinking about all of this right now. That emotion hasn't been around in quite a while. I think this adoption thing has really help. Ive been surrounded my awesome friends who get us. Friends who share some of the same fears, wishes, hopes and dreams as me.

I want to be better. A better child of God. A better wife. A better friend. A better sister. A better daughter. I no longer desire to be lazy. I want to make sure I take the time to get to know the people in my life. I want to embrace every moment, even the ones that dont seem that important. Because it is in those moments, I tend to hear God's whispers. To think the God of the universe wants to talk to me, is just the coolest thing ever.

I know some of you do not share the same beliefs as me and I know some of you are kind of studying this whole God and Christianity thing. Its more than just church or the type of worship you prefer, it just God. Getting to know God and letting Him have your heart. Its taken me 33 years to realize just how awesome my Heavenly Father is. I hope you will talk to Him.

Im ready to be honest. To be real. I want that peace that I have experienced before. When you are no longer hiding things in your heart. This is random. Sometimes I am like that. Hence the title of my blog.



You wanted to know me. Thats a part of me.

9 comments:

April said...

Awesome post Amy!! I can relate in so many ways (to the last thoughts, not the part about the little boy in the hospital! Could never do your job!!!)
I have been dealing with some of the same stuff. Am I making a difference for God's Kingdom? Am I doing anything that matters for eternity? I want my life to reflect HIM!!

Special K said...

Amy - you're a really cool chick and I love to read your random thoughts. Miss you babe!

Valtool said...

Amy hasn't mentioned it here, but last night she came home and told us that the resident she had the bad experience with over the weekend NO LONGER IS EMPLOYED at CHOA.

The Chipped Mug said...

You are an inspriation Amy! God has blessed us with a great woman of God who, even though she fails at times, still serves God will all her being. :) Be blessed!

ChupieandJ'smama said...

Amy, random responses to your random thoughts (which were very interesting by the way):
1. How's the little boy doing? I hope he's better and the seizures have stopped
2. I'm glad to see you doing so well with WW. I've fallen off the WW wagon and have been thinking of going back. You may have persuaded me.
3. Jealousy is an emotion that I don't like either. Every once in a while it creeps up on me and it's hard for me to push it out again.
4. Hope you have a wonderful week!

Susan said...

Amy,

wow, this was quite a post. I also struggle with jealousy sometimes. I have to admit, though, that this has shifted for me over time.

I love that you care so much for your patients! What a blessing.

And, in my opinion, anyone who loves on babies at church and really LOVES doing it is doing the "right thing".

Hugs to you,

Susan

The 5 Powell's said...

i love you girl...

sara said...

Oh, girl! This is so transparent & really made me feel raw after reading it. I long to know God more - more than I knew Him last year or even yesterday - but I struggle with my flesh so much that I block myself - or even worse, let the enemy affect my relationship with HIM!! I am so humbled & thankful that He LOVES us still...especially when we don't deserve it.

Happy 11 months, by the way - Ours is tomorrow. :)

Mary said...

Amy, thanks for visiting my blog. I wanted to comment on your 'jealousy' random thought. I have struggled with that all my life too. I have to come to realize that we only see and hear the good stuff a lot of times from other believers. Ya know? We hear them say, "Hey - I had a great prayer time today" or "The Lord really spoke to me through His word today" but we never see the other DAYS that they don't pray or don't have it together and it causes us to be jealous because we have this measuring stick for ourselves that is ab solutely RIDICULOUS.

All God wants from us is to be as transparent with Him as we can be. When we mess up, say it and move on. He knows how to communicate with us and what we need from Him - and it is never the same as His other children. We are all special and unique and He knows that.

Now everytime that thing creeps up on me, I try to say some scripture out loud or reaffirm my self that God loves me -e ven if I hadn't read my bible today.

You are special and because you can see this flaw in you, makes you that much closer to victory over it! :)

Yay!