Amy . . .

What would you like to know? I am fun, but crazy. I have a most perfect husband, and 2 cats named Samson and Delilah. We are presently working on adopting a little girl from China and have a separate blog for that. I am a Christian and am working on a better relationship with him. I live in the Atlanta area and love sharing stories with people. I am also a pediatric nurse and I love it! I love to talk and meet new people and I love Disney Cruising

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Broken heart and remembering our Lucy

Life without Lucy the basset hound has started and it is hard. Excuse my language. It sucks. Sunday morning I walked directly upstairs to bed, instead of wandering downstairs. Then I cried. and I kept crying. I kept hoping the tears would stop but oh no, they kept coming and they will for a very long time.

I will share with you what I told Michael. I failed my Lucy. She was sick, and I went to work. I hope she was not sad with me and I hope that she did not suffer. I am glad I was not there, although I am very selfish with my thoughts. I know you will say to me, Amy you can not think that way and but I have to because it is true. She should not have been alone. My first thought was, if I can not keep a dog alive, how am I supposed to be a good mom? That was my first thought. I cant believe I let my wonderful sweet puppy down.

This dog brought smiles to me for 2 1/2 years. She was loved. She was spoiled. Okay, she was really spoiled. I made up words and songs for Lucy. In the morning, she would have to go outside and go "peepers". Perhaps God placed her in our lives just to let us love someone until Miss LynnMarie gets home. I am still at work and fighting the tears as I type this. I do agree with Michael. My heart also says no more dogs, but you never know. If it ever happens again, it will be an awfully long time from now.

Michael tried to get rid of all things that reminded me of Lucy, her food, her bonies and other things but I see her wherever I go and I can not stop thinking of that puppy who would bark and bark until someone would go outside and watch her do "puppy power". She was a smart puppy (even if she was almost 3). She would wait until Michael or I got up and then grab an object and take it out the doggie door and run. She loved a good chase and I am glad we have a fence because the neighbors would have had a good laugh. She loved to take dvds and undergarments outside along with other odd objects. Oh she was funny. Every now and then, the house would be quiet and we would look for Lucy. Lucy would take the clothes off the drier and make a pile and then sleep on them. She was cute. I remember the day we got her. it was a week before our Christmas party in 2005 and it was a Tuesday. We got her from Petland and I held her in my lap on my way home. She was wiggly. Man our life changed after that. You may not know why we got her. One of our favorite free dates was to go to the puppy store and just look at the puppies. We saw Lucy a few times and realized she was getting big. We caved in and almost got her but she was too expensive. the next day, Petland called and said "Come get your dog" and we did.

My heart physically hurts again. Its been hurting for almost 2 weeks due to other people's losses, changes in friendships and things that I worry over. Do I feel guilty? Oh yeah. I let my Lucy down and I can not take it back. I hope I get over these feelings. But joy comes out of sorrow. I know that to be true. But, I am not used to these feelings. I do not like these feelings at all. Its been a crazy emotional month of May.

Yes, Lucy was a dog but if you ever saw me with Lucy, you would know she was also a snugglepuppy. I miss her big paws putting full pressure on my legs. I miss her bark (although I swore I heard this afternoon) I can not believe she is gone. We will have to call the vet and mans best friend and get the rest of her stuff put away. This is odd but I almost don't want to remember her because when I do I cry. I cant even bring myself to look at her pictures. Tomorrow when I go upstairs, she is my screensaver.

The dynamics of the Christopher family have changed. Lucy had a bigger impact on Michael and I than we could have ever realized. Lucy was more than a dog. She really was our family. Almost all decisions we made had to include her. I hope our hearts feel better soon. I hope my guilt goes away. I am thankful we had Lucy in our family.

Lucy Christopher


If you have the puppy power, say hello!!!!

( sung and written by Amy to Lucy daily)


Kelly said...

Amy, My heart is so very sad for you and Michael. The kids and I are praying for you daily. I will see you on Friday.

Beverly said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose a fur baby!!

sara said...

Amy - I, too, am sad - she was just a baby.

There are no "what ifs" with a sovereign God - there just isn't.

Laura said...


I am so so sorry for this loss. She is truly a family member and the loss is so great. I am praying for you and Michael during this time.

God bless...


Valtool said...

Very well done baby.

Mercy's Maid said...

It's clear how much you loved Lucy and she had to have known that. It sounds like you cherished your time with her and gave her a good life.

I'm still so sorry for your loss. Sometimes I let myself wonder how I will cope when I lose one of my dogs, and it's just too much to even think about.

I enjoyed seeing the pictures you posted of her. She was beautiful.

Hang in there.

Special K said...

I pray that those empty spots will be filled with memories of your sweet Lucy and that every day the pain is a little less.

Frazzled Farm Wife said...

Lucy was a very lucky dog to have you and Michael. It sounds like you loved her very much and she loved you too.

Susan said...

Awwww...losing a beloved pet is so hard. We go through the same grief we do as when people leave us. Praying for special peace for you.



Pam and Jeff said...

Amy,what you are feeling is so normal. It is probably to just soon to look at pictures. You are working through your grief. Do not feel quilty!!! It is not your fault. I kept feeling Beau walk by my leg when I was sitting on the couch. I was lying in my room. The door just opened just like he pushed the door open but he was gone. IT is so normal to feel the way you do. I know it hurts. You went to work. I did to. I thought what am I going to do at home but be miserable.
It is amzing how much we love them. They are unconditional. You know that they are innocent.
Hang in there!!! Hugs for both!!
Pam and Jeff

daisy said...

Thanks for visiting me...I came to visit you back, and found myself weeping with you in your loss.

For me, that is the only downside of having a dog, is that they don't stay forever. We have to say goodbye, and it sucks. I totally agree.

We had to put two of our dogs to sleep, one about twelve years ago and one last year, and both times it took everything I had to get through it.

They become our "babies", part of the family, don't they? They can't talk to tell us what's wrong, and we do the best we can for them.

I'm so sorry. I can hear how much she was loved, and I know that she knew it, too.

Michelle said...

oh Amy I am so very sorry for your loss. Anyone who read your blog would know how much you loved Lucy and how much a part of your family she was. I pray you can find forgiveness for yourself and some peace and comfort.

Michelle said...

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. You are able to love deeply so also able to hurt deeply. Take care during this tough time.

Annie said...

OH! What a very sad thing! I'm sorry for the loss of your pup!


Karen (Pediascribe) said...

I'm sorry for your loss. It's amazing how attached we get to pets.
My dad had a dog once who died way too young. He swore he'd never get another. Nothing could top that dog, he'd say.
Just this weekend we were up at his house and I asked him how Maddie (his new dog) compared to Shadow (the one who died) and he said she's actually a better dog. That it hurt to think about it, but it was true.
So with time comes healing and reaching out to love again.

lindanuts said...

Amy, I have raised 4 children and numerous foster children, have 8 grandchildren and many nieces and nephews and great-nieces and great-nephews. I love them all. But we have always been dog people. The kids had so many dogs and they all came to one end or another. You can't prepare for their end and you can't deprive yourself or your child of a dog. If it is meant to be, it will. My husband and I now have 9 miniature dachshunds--ages 12 years to 7 months. We just love them all.They prevent us from doing some things but they provide so much comfort and love. I will be sad-very sad- when they go to puppy heaven, but I will be happy for all the great things they've given us and be glad for the good life we gave them. I am sure that your sweet, sweet puppy knew how loved she was and has very happy memories of her life with you and God will be sure that she is right there, waiting for you when your time comes. Rejoice in the memories of the good times. She is with her Maker and He has her under His wing.

Cyndi said...

amy i have not been around in awhile so i'm catching up i am so sorry about lucy. i know how hard this is to lose a pet. dogs are just kids with fur. i am so sorry. god bless. Cyndi