no clue why

Had a great night and work, got in my car and started driving home and then..I started crying. NO, bawling. Ugh!!!! I do believe satan was trying to take my joy.

One of our cats Sammy got sick this week and Michael took him to the vet, got some IV fluids and should be okay. I started talking myself out of ever having a pet and perhaps warning any animal that makes eye contact that if they come live with us, they may not be around long .

I feel very guilty for Lucy and now for Sammy. This feeling sucks. I am glad Michael went to work right after I got home, I hate him or anyone else to see me crying. I drove home and saw several dogs in cars with their heads out the windows and then I looked at the passenger side and saw Lucy's drool and paw prints on the window and that did me in.

OH I hope that Lucy did not regret living with us. I hope that she knew that I loved her so much and what a joy she was. I hope that she did not get sad the last time she saw me because as much I tried not to, her face will forever be etched in my mind and I hope it goes away. When we got Lucy, the one fear I had was loving a dog so much and either finding her dead or having to put her to sleep. I miss her presence, her sound, her silliness, her playing with the cat. As much as I have been looking at rescue dogs, I am starting to doubt the fact that we will have another dog. I am even beginning to doubt my ability to parent. Oh, I am sure these feelings will go away but right now I am tired and sad. Not a good combination. i had actually been doing much better with all of this and had not cried in weeks.

WE have pics on the computer downstairs as our screensaver along with dozens of other pictures. Almost everytime I sit downstairs, the one video I took of Lucy doing puppy power shows up.

Oh how my heart is hurting today. I miss my Lucy the basset hound