Amy . . .

What would you like to know? I am fun, but crazy. I have a most perfect husband, and 2 cats named Samson and Delilah. We are presently working on adopting a little girl from China and have a separate blog for that. I am a Christian and am working on a better relationship with him. I live in the Atlanta area and love sharing stories with people. I am also a pediatric nurse and I love it! I love to talk and meet new people and I love Disney Cruising

Saturday, June 21, 2008

no clue why

Had a great night and work, got in my car and started driving home and then..I started crying. NO, bawling. Ugh!!!! I do believe satan was trying to take my joy.

One of our cats Sammy got sick this week and Michael took him to the vet, got some IV fluids and should be okay. I started talking myself out of ever having a pet and perhaps warning any animal that makes eye contact that if they come live with us, they may not be around long .

I feel very guilty for Lucy and now for Sammy. This feeling sucks. I am glad Michael went to work right after I got home, I hate him or anyone else to see me crying. I drove home and saw several dogs in cars with their heads out the windows and then I looked at the passenger side and saw Lucy's drool and paw prints on the window and that did me in.

OH I hope that Lucy did not regret living with us. I hope that she knew that I loved her so much and what a joy she was. I hope that she did not get sad the last time she saw me because as much I tried not to, her face will forever be etched in my mind and I hope it goes away. When we got Lucy, the one fear I had was loving a dog so much and either finding her dead or having to put her to sleep. I miss her presence, her sound, her silliness, her playing with the cat. As much as I have been looking at rescue dogs, I am starting to doubt the fact that we will have another dog. I am even beginning to doubt my ability to parent. Oh, I am sure these feelings will go away but right now I am tired and sad. Not a good combination. i had actually been doing much better with all of this and had not cried in weeks.

WE have pics on the computer downstairs as our screensaver along with dozens of other pictures. Almost everytime I sit downstairs, the one video I took of Lucy doing puppy power shows up.

Oh how my heart is hurting today. I miss my Lucy the basset hound

11 comments:

Annie said...

Oh Sweetie! I'm so sorry for your pain. Grieving isn't something that just goes away and you just need time to work through this. Although I don't know you personally, I can tell from your transparent writing that you are one who cares with all of your heart. I think it would be a dreadful mistake for you to never have another pet. You have a heart full of love to share, which God gave you. Don't bottle it up. He means for us to share our love, which really is ultimately His love.

Hold on you poor dear. I'll pray for you.

Your friend,

Annie

Sister Snoopy said...

Amy, she knows. Lucy knows how much you love her.

I agree with Annie. When I lost my beloved Jake at 16, I thought I was going to die right along with him. My dad, in his infinite wisdom, found a Cocker Spaniel puppy for me the very next day. Although I mourn Jakey to this day, Toffee helped heal my broken heart.

It hurts desperately when they pass away but that's because of how much love they give us when they're here.

Jose said...

I feel your pain. I hope you get over Lucy soon as she is already in a nice place.

Special K said...

Oh my heart aches to hear your words. You are going to be a great mom to Lynn Marie. You were a great mom to Lucy too. It hurts so much to lose a pet, it makes one wonder whether it's worth loving. But it is better to have loved and lost [Lucy] than to never have loved at all. Only you can decide whether to have another pet, but I hope you give it another try some day.

Beverly said...

So sorry you are having such a rough day. Time does make it easier but never erases it. You will one day (not soon) wish to share your love with another pet. If Lucy was loved then there should not be guilt!! So don't feel guilty for Lucy or Sammy!!

Valtool said...

You, my dear have been tagged.

My Ice Cream Diary said...

The prints on the wondow would do me in too. Hang in there. It will ease, though never leave.

Qtpies7 said...

Oh, that is so hard! We just put our dog down on Saturday. He bite a little neighbor girl. We are glad she is not hurt, just some scratched skin and some fright, but we are not ever chancing him really hurting someone.
I feel for you!

Amy said...

Oh my sweet friend, I am so sorry. I do understand. I watch our precious baby and wonder how we are going to handle it when she passes on. We love her SO much and can't get enough of her.

It's okay to cry. That just shows how much you loved her. And while you are questioning your parent skills right now just know that we all do that too.

You need to share this love with another pet, Amy. I understand the hurt of losing our babies, but I know what a comfort and joy they bring to a home as well.

Just pray about it. God will let you know when and if it's time! He knows what's best for us.

Still praying for you.

Hugs, Amy

kailani said...

I'm sure Sammy did not regret a single day with your family. He definitely appreciated the loving environment you provided. {{hugs}}

judy said...

(((((((((hugs))))))))))

My first "favorite" dog died around six years ago. (All my dogs become favorite in their own way.) I still miss him...he was a wonderful, gentle-giant Great Dane...The pain of losing him was enormous. I cried for weeks, and still shed a tear in honor of Bishop sometimes. BUT that love had to keep on living and giving, and I began to bring new dog friends home...We now have three. None replaced Bishop, but they filled a huge gap left by his absence.

The loss of someone you love (that of a pet or a person)is tremendous...but to stop loving because of the pain of loss is a tragedy. Give yourself a little time and bring a new friend home.

I see from reading your blog God is vital in your life. He has a new dog for you. Don't miss the blessing. (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))